What Does My Home Have to Say?

 Years ago, I often felt I needed to leave the house to get things done.  Back when I didn't do everything on a computer or automagically, I would pack up bills and correspondance in a paper bag and go to a coffee shop to pay bills and balance my checkbook and such.  I couldn't do it at home, not only because of the distraction of young kids, but because I felt like my home was one big, three-dimensional to-do list.  I couldn't relax either.  My home was a place I needed to escape, because everywhere I turned I saw something that needed to get done.

I still feel this.  I can easily look around and see things that I want to improve or fix or that I've been tolerating too long.  However, I no longer want to escape.  I learned that the Chinese have a saying (in feng shui), that your house is always talking to you, so you should make sure it has something good to say.  Now I am more motivated to change the way my house talks to me than to escape it.  I have learned to look around and let my eyes alight on something that I like, something that appeals to me, something that says something about how I value myself, and slowly I find that my home can be supportive.  I can use it as a great big vision board to manifest my big life, instead of a never-ending list that is holding me back.  I have made sure that even though every room has clutter and imperfections, every room also has a little sanctuary, every room has a heart.  My home is learning not to nag, but to encourage me. 

I know a certain amount of this is attributable to attitude shift.  It is a compounding cycle though-- the more I choose to hear positive messages from my home, the more intentional I am about making subtle changes so that it does have nicer and nicer things to say.

Becoming a Feng Shui consultant

In November, I hatched as a baby sea turtle and found my way to the ocean of Feng Shui knowledge, as presented by Moni Castaneda in her course, The Three Treasures of Feng Shui. It was a playful refresher on a lot that I have learned working with Moni as my feng shui guide over the years, and it also drilled down deeper on certain concepts and connections.  

A little background: in the 10 years since I last blogged here, a lot has happened-- as one might expect to happen in life. There was a job change, amazing trips, eating disorder recovery, getting back to community theatre, another job change, a divorce, a job loss, a move, dating again, working from home with during covid times, more moves, more job changes, getting into community band, a wedding, and a final move into the home of my new spouse. All the while, I was raising two kids, mostly as a single parent (but with the help of the village), and supporting them in their adventures. My clutter was reduced with each move, but also followed me with each move, and grew in different ways.  

We married in the fall of 2022, and in 2023, before emptying all my boxes to integrate our households, we embarked on a project to finish space and add a bedroom to the basement, to make this a some-time home for my young adult children as well.  Also in 2023, I rode some waves of job stress, explored different opportunities and ultimately took a job with an easier commute.  I also continued to explore hobbies and interests, in part to germinate creative ideas for side gigs and build "my own thing," whether that eventually became my main gig or not.  This sort of exploration has been going on for years.  This blog was one of many spots I have made marks in nooks and crannies of the Internet as I try to find my purpose.

So in November of 2023 when I took that course, I looked around at my current home, which he had lived in since 2006, and in which we had been newlyweds for just over a year.  I saw the piles and boxes, literal and figurative, of everything that had ever mattered to or even just interested me over these years, things I thought might matter to my kids someday, things that he had accumulated in a house that was bigger than one person needed, and I realized: I will never get through this, never get to the change I want to see, without help.  I needed more guidance.  I have had help before and I continue to need it.

In December, I did the next logical thing.  I signed up for MORE.  I am now training to become a feng shui consultant.  Is this because I finally found "my thing"?  Is my purpose to help others arrange their space to support their big dreams?  Maybe not.  But I am clear on these two things: 

First, I do need help to let go of things and to create the home I love.  Others may not need help, or may be able to get it from books or TV shows or an encouraging friend, but I need more help.  I need those things, plus I need the structure of the Nine Steps to Feng Shui system that Moni has devised.  And it is okay that I need that help.

Secondly, regardless what my "purpose" is, getting the help I need to create good feng shui in my home and workspace can only strengthen and support it, whatever creative fun it is.  And if my purpose does turn out have something to do with feng shui, it will center around overcoming the very challenges as I have faced all these years.  I will be some sort of declutter/change specialist, because the only way around it is through it, and when I do get through it, that will be my great gift, to help others who accumulate and hold on to stuff for the possibilities stuff holds, and help them learn to cradle the possibilities without so much stuff.